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Monday, October 24, 2016

paradise to parody

And I want to be so lonely
that i start to live again.
So hopeless
that i start to see again.
I just want you to bloody get out!
Please get out

'How do you do?' You ask me.
I dont bloody know!
Confused, guilty, angry, hurt, tiered and even shocked may be;
but 'I am fine',  I say
and you carry on.

I feel like a half worn off sticker on the door;
neither completely in nor out.
Stuck somewhere between,
what only seems like the parody of life.

No, I am not sick,
but i am sick of this world.
No, not of my life,
but of those who partake in it.
'I need help', you say,
while you shamelessly take away,
every drop of me.
Its a world of scoundrels!
Of which, thou shall never let me forget.

I rest in peace,
in knowing I have been right all along,
in taming this monster within me,
so dearly known as heart.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

die trying to live

I tried
I tried to live ideal
I tried to live polite
I tried to live healthy
I tried to live wealthy
I tried to live poor
I tried to live happy
I tried to successful
I tried to live saintly
I tried to live crazy
I tried to live wise
I tried to live in despise
I tried to live in love
I tried to live to please you
I tried to live to please me
and finally I realized
we always need to try to live
but dying is the only thing that doesn't make you work
while I was trying to live I learned how to die. 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


She stole, she hid, she lied, she deceived and she cheated. Sounds like a very very wrong her, doesn't she?

she stole glances at strangers on the street to imagine their stories
she hid herself from the world in fear of being hurt
she lied to herself, when she told he couldn't hurt her no more
she deceived her friends dancing herself into the night
she cheated the sun every morning 

still sounds like a very very wrong her, doesn't she?

Saturday, May 9, 2015

true love, if it may....

true love is on its way
a little far a little stray
but here to stay
after all the price we pay

true love is no mystery
is the simplest complexity
is the thirst of humanity
to be quenched by proximity

true love is a sham some days
it's a the claw that clams my grace
I see the bright blue sun rays
at the beach as my heart floats away dancing with waves

true love! huh, I let out a laugh;
from a humanity that's forgotten it's clause?
all my will is beat and still
as i watch the world in a languid pause.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Don't talk to me

Don't talk to me you're not my best friend
don't talk to me you're not the one I love
don't talk to me as you're simply not me

Take your opinionated hands off of me
As they are just too heavy
To allow them to rest
on my puny body

You can't hold me by your stupefying care
You can't hold me by your diabetic love
If at all you want to hold me, hold me by the noose
The real one

Share with me your dreams and visions
Your imaginations
Share with me your thoughts and tastes
Maybe even your mistakes
Share with me your innermost demons and fear
But your love, never!

And even if you do
Don't be startled if you receive
In return a deceive
As I can only return what I have
in this heart of the perished,
The fear of new beginnings,
Of the new endings, received

I will always love you

Turn at the corner,
Don't look back!
The walls rise behind you,
Of memories as the stack.
Oh and that just rhymed!
But did it make sense?
Of course! It was on purposes
Put down your macro lense.

Life they said
wasn't about finding a meaning
But about giving the meaning.
I know I broke my rhyme scheme
But what's it when compared
To broken dreams.

Day and night
Drop by drop
We collect sweet nothings
Only to drop the sweet
At every corner
And move ahead with

How many more corners?
Haven't I come a full circle yet?
I know circles don't have corners
But this is far less weird
than it often gets.

You ask me stupid questions
Are you hurt?
Disappointed may be
Did you learn?
I don't know
Have you changed?
May be by an inch.
But for once will you care
To tell me 'it will be alright'
Oh and please as you say it
Try not to flinch.

I love you
I have always loved you
Dear life!
No matter what you do

In my heart It will always be rife.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Snippets of a chaotic mind

why do you say 'my head is spinning' when you have too many thoughts and chaos in your mind. i guess cause it virtually represents a negative magnet pole dropped in the space of positive circular magnetic space. my thoughts have been banging against the wall of my brain and against each other. and what i desparatly need is that small gap for it to all come out

Friday, September 26, 2014

I think I know who God is!

  When you are born and raised in a middle class Hindu family settled in India, there are not many chances of you growing up to be an atheist; especially if you belong to the city that never sleeps aka the city that celebrates ALL possible festivals on earth. Mumbai is where religiousness makes way for spirituality. Mumbai is where you will come across atheists who conveniently forget their ‘FAITH’ to participate in festivities and remember it as per their need to be cool.
As for me, well, I don’t know who I am yet. I was born indifferent, raised religious, self taught spirituality, self proclaimed animist; right now confused and probably die an indifferent again. Life is a full circle they say. Life! What is it? What is life? Is it a she or a he or a it?
I like being high, I like being high on such thoughts too; or maybe that’s precisely why I like being high. When I was a kid, every Sunday evening was the ‘Om Namhashivay’ evening. A dedicated half hour that unraveled the mysterious of the globally popular god ‘SHIVA’. It started with a transcendence male voice that said ‘Mai Omkar Hu’ (I am Omkar; the shapeless energy with no physical attributes, the higher power, the invisible almighty synonyms of THE GOD). Quite instantly I fell in love with this deity. His human avatar, a calm, kind and overgenerous being who from time to time went into fits of anger and showed no mercy to the bad. He is the father of all, they say. Especially the orphaned, he has a soft corner for the underprivileged, the beaten down. I liked it. I liked how he was good to good and bad to bad. So let’s go back to the part where he says ‘I am shapeless, formless’. So is he air? May be not, air has a form, a molecular form. What is he? What is God?

I laugh, inwardly of course, when I see God fearing people. But now I get it! Man, or rather all living creatures are not afraid of what they know and understand. We always fear the unknown more than the known. So if you are scared of God, then you are probably not aware of what god is and so you are probably no different from an atheist, except of course you want to believe that what you don’t understand exist irrespective of your narrow scope of intelligence. Whereas an atheist, I believe says, ‘if I didn't see it, it didn't happen’.
I don’t entirely remember the show but somehow this one image stayed in my brain forever. An endless cylindrical stream of fire, or let’s say colorful fumes. Our mind is sure trickster. This one time (when, let’s say I was in my own trance) I was staring at the painting hung on my wall it’s a scenery with blue mountains and a red river reflecting the red rays of a drowning sun and a red sky. But what do I see? Pink Floyd logo! Don’t ask me how. Then I see a red monster, is it Satan?

Hi Satan! Are you Satan?
You are all red!
So are you Satan?
No!! am lord Shiva!
How can you be lord Shiva?
Why not! Am lord Shiva,
The god of destruction!!! hmm But I have heard ‘god creates and devil destructs’
But I am GOD of destruction
So are you Satan
I don’t know am I?
I don’t know I think I should sleep, may be you are Satan; maybe Satan is God- God is Satan! Who cares!
Hmmm. You should sleep goodnight!

This second time (when, let’s say I was in my own trance again) I see the endless cylindrical stream of colorful fumes. Something that my mind had forgotten for years!!!!!!

What’s this, mind?
It’s God
What the hell are you talking about?
Didn't you know?
What does it do?
Nothing it just exists
God is suppose to do miracles not just exist
It is the miracle, the sole miracle and so it just exists
What is it called? Does it have a name?
BLOODY blue monkeys flying in a pink sky!!!!!

So the next morning I wake up trying hard to make sense of myself. Is it really that simple?? Is life really all the godliness, all the miracle all that there is to be?? May be it is.
Life is god. Not nature, not planets, not universe and definitely not our mythological gods, also there is no devil. Life as in the power that keeps everything alive is the only real thing. When it favors you, you call it god and when it doesn't it becomes Satan or devil etc.
We are mere forms for life to sustain itself. if we don't help it sustain itself we are chucked out. We are really not that big a deal nor is universe. Just the life in it.

People say worship. Worshiping God is complicated! if you don’t pray, god gets angry/ upset, he ruins your life! / doesn't help you in distress. So, what you are saying is that god is a big fat egoistic, self obsessed ass? Never mind! your theories to you, my theories to me.
Whereas life, it’s really simple, It is the only truth with only one rule, ‘The best ones survive the weak die out’. Stars, planets to micro organisms they all are ruled by just one theory. Weak and strong here means the survival instinct (yes Darwin made a lot more sense to me after this epiphany)
Life decides the weak from strong on the basis of how we help it (honestly I like calling life ‘her’ but I don’t want to sound sexist) flow ahead. Life is like a river, she can't stop. That's precisely why reproduction was created so that she can go on. Weak will give birth to weakness and one day all life will die. She can't afford that right?

Based on that, don’t you think asexuality or restricting/ tabooing sex (yes religious fanatics am talking to you) is as much satanic as homosexuality. As they both go exactly against life. But because homosexuality is natural (scientifically researched and proven, even in animals) it could probably be Life's own way to control its direction of flow and perhaps so is natural asexuality/ impotency.
Spirituality, on the other hand I believe is human brain’s creation to find stronger, happier physical existence. Science has proved happy people live longer and healthier so maybe that’s why there is this lobby for spirituality and good karma. I believe karma is a twin sister of life, (that is if there is anything more than just life out there) they both share a very wicked sense of humor, I must say.
Animals are not spiritual but yes they have will power. If the weak decides to live and not give up, miracles happen in the wild that are hard to explain. Like a lioness mothering a deer’s calf (yes it’s true! Google that)
So am not sure who I am or what is my purpose on earth, who is my god or what is my faith. But I have a feeling it’s definitely not buttering up some self obsessed guy’s/ lady’s ass. Is there any faith that only worships LIFE? I would like to change my wagon here; I sure want life to not chuck me out.