Search This Blog

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Falling in love with love

Lately I have been attracted to certain couples. No not in a bisexual way, but in an 'I want that for me way. Have you ever seen two people in a relationship and felt like, ‘I wanna hangout with them more often, pretty much all the time’ and not with just one of them but both TOGETHER. Also you don’t feel like a third wheel when you are with them, you are just plain curious to see how do they do it? How do they manage to be so simple, so non dramatic and so connected. You actually start to believe that the more time you spend with them, the more you increase the possibility of finding similar reality for yourself. And it is not some fake lovey dovey, ‘oh we are so in love’ mushy, pukey stuff. It’s just two people living their reality with absolute honesty, oblivious to the world watching them. And I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I use to envy a friend for the kind of fun, open relationship she shared with her mom and another friend for how rich and frank and confident her dad was. There are a lot of connections that we start to crave I our lives only after we witness their existence in someone else’s; and then these become the parameters to measure the success of connections we share in our existing relationships. Now, I once read, ‘you can’t change / choose your family”. You literally don’t have a choice; your family is just thrust upon you just the way you are on them. My friend could never get my mom, who by the way cooks way better than hers or a dad who share s and supports (financially and in spirit) my love for travel, nature and simplicity. So I stopped craving to better my relationships to those imposing parameters. And I can only hope and pray that I don’t forget this and act with similar understanding towards my future partner. But hell man! You cannot deny what you feel when you see two genuine people in a genuinely strong connection and go ‘I want that! I sooo bloody want that for me’. I guess this is what they call “Falling in Love with Love”

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Did you ever think?

Hello everyone. I know a lot of you are watching me. I hope you are reading me too. It’s been over 3 years since I officially stopped doing a job and became a full time experimental farmer/naturalist/ environmentalist and goes on the list of such fancy words. A lot of you who know me personally applauded me for being brave to shift gears like this, envied me for being able to do what I love, put me on a pedestal of “you inspire us”, and showed concern over choosing the lesser.  Well, thanks but no thanks. I obviously didn’t do any of this for attention, good or bad. Let me explain the bad; “Organic Farming!? Isn’t that some fancy elite hobby?”  Please stand in sun and dust for 8 whole minutes let alone 8 hours, there is nothing fancy or elite about that. “Organic is a farce” unfortunately there are people who have made ORGANIC sound like a cuss word, I accept. “Do you ever make any money? Farming is a low job, I hope you don’t commit suicide” as long as there are people who think farming and wealth are two opposite words, farmers will die from inside and in body every day.
So let me tell you why I gave up a good paying, air conditioned desk job, BECAUSE I WAS GETTING SICK in brain and in body. All my life especially childhood I spent hours watching shows on discovery channel, Nat Geo, Animal Plant etc. and before news channels could taint my idea of this world in black, I had painted the most beautiful picture of this planet in my head. It truly is a wonderful world (sing the last two words). The geek inside me wanted to know everything about this one thing that was so beautiful and perfectly perfect, my first and one true love, “NATURE”. Like a mad person in love I wanted to know my muse inside out. I wanted to be close to my beloved all the time. And I also knew that my muse has many more lovers. I didn’t think of them as competitors, that’s the beauty of my beloved; there is always space and love for more.  I saw them as experienced helpers, who could bring me closer to my beloved.
When as a child we watched shows like Jungle Book and Tarzan, we felt stronger, wiser and most importantly something deep within us felt RIGHT, didn’t it? So what has changed now? No I won’t ask you to quit your high paying jobs for jumping off of branches, or your manicured nails or your luxurious luxuries. But I want to ask you, is that the only RIGHT way to be? Is it a crime to not want to be money rich, or to want to be money rich but not at other’s expense? Does a person with soil on his clothes, sweat on his brows, a smile; correction- a genuine smile on his face threaten your superiority complex? No I am not hippie. I don’t want to glorify poverty. I know enough people who know jack about the consequences of their action but they are “saving the planet” and “spreading love”, a little too thin I would say. But seriously, do you really think there is no better way to live than in glimmering cities, championing rampant “development” that you have no idea stands on the morgue of so many broken lives, human and other?
Yes you deserve to be rich and even flaunt your richness but at whose cost? And while you do flaunt your “aware” richness, please don’t buy “organic products” and be “health conscious” drinking tetra packed “fresh fruit juices” or green tea that is shipped from half way across the globe and is costlier than diamonds for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is so much paradox in what people say and do, that I have lost all courage to encourage people.
The reason I write this to you today is; here I go again about my childhood; I grew up in a house that had a pretty huge garden and thanks to my parents it was always densely green. I was the queen, the chosen princess, the guardian of this garden. Yes, I was Alice in Wonderland. My pets, (citizens) could talk, plants could move and together we lived many adventures. My supernatural power was, I knew everything about every element of nature and could also control it. As I was growing up reading more, watching more and experiencing more; I realized , a lot of olden civilizations and their descendants better known as tribals came very close to possessing  this supernatural power to a very logical and scientific extent. So began my fantasies of living such a life. Little did I know, not knowing the ways of this twisted world of law and controlled education would weaken even the most strongest.
When people asked you what you want to be when you grew up, you probably said engineer, doctor, pilot, banker; some more crazy ones would probably say teacher, etc. all I could think of was Mougli. I wanted to be a Mougli or a fairy or just a person who owned big forests and lots of animals, especially wild cats (grew up with lot of pet cats). So I would end up saying I want to be a vet. Yeah, that didn’t get very impressive responses either but just imagine saying “I practically want to own the whole planet sans the people” I am sorry to break it to you but yes this can be a legit ambition. It sure is different but no less right or wrong than yours. I am also sorry I didn’t boldly pronounce it but tamed it down to your sensibilities.
I may be mad, but you are madder to accept that your and only your reality especially when your reality is making some of you take away the right of some of you to live like a free, decent living being with love and respect. Yes I am talking about tribals, farmers, small scale, simple people and other creatures. They deserve respect and more than ever now. Also more than anyone of us, because these people have not abandoned what they do or who they are to become what you and I have become. If they stop being who they are, believe me, we will start clawing and eating each other off, ALIVE! (to be honest we already have).
I believe there are things beyond money, religion, nationalism, power, success and most importantly “civilized development”.  I think development that is measured only in per-capita income is no development at all. How about a per capita happiness? I know some countries are already doing it. How about each one of us takes the responsibility of calculating our own per capita happiness? Start with your own family! Trust me, this will slowly take away unnecessary drama and the farce facade of awareness/ consciousness that you have created in your life.
It saddens me to see fellow living beings not treated as living at all. Just once step out of your false need, false ego and FALSE AWARENESS, the last one is most dangerous and stroll through this madness that we have created. I challenge you to not hate yourself. But I also promise you there is a different way to be. No right or wrong but a way, where you at least take the effort to understand what is important to you and not some random picture painted in your head by some random entity. I promise I won’t be surprised or blame you, if you say, “being in an AC office, working 12 hours a day and making truck loads of money is truly my dream”. Because no one ever said you can’t do these things without killing those who have different dreams.


Monday, October 24, 2016

paradise to parody

And I want to be so lonely
that i start to live again.
So hopeless
that i start to see again.
I just want you to bloody get out!
Please get out

'How do you do?' You ask me.
I dont bloody know!
Confused, guilty, angry, hurt, tiered and even shocked may be;
but 'I am fine',  I say
and you carry on.

I feel like a half worn off sticker on the door;
neither completely in nor out.
Stuck somewhere between,
what only seems like the parody of life.

No, I am not sick,
but i am sick of this world.
No, not of my life,
but of those who partake in it.
'I need help', you say,
while you shamelessly take away,
every drop of me.
Its a world of scoundrels!
Of which, thou shall never let me forget.

I rest in peace,
in knowing I have been right all along,
in taming this monster within me,
so dearly known as heart.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

die trying to live

I tried
I tried to live ideal
I tried to live polite
I tried to live healthy
I tried to live wealthy
I tried to live poor
I tried to live happy
I tried to successful
I tried to live saintly
I tried to live crazy
I tried to live wise
I tried to live in despise
I tried to live in love
I tried to live to please you
I tried to live to please me
and finally I realized
we always need to try to live
but dying is the only thing that doesn't make you work
while I was trying to live I learned how to die. 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


She stole, she hid, she lied, she deceived and she cheated. Sounds like a very very wrong her, doesn't she?

she stole glances at strangers on the street to imagine their stories
she hid herself from the world in fear of being hurt
she lied to herself, when she told he couldn't hurt her no more
she deceived her friends dancing herself into the night
she cheated the sun every morning 

still sounds like a very very wrong her, doesn't she?

Saturday, May 9, 2015

true love, if it may....

true love is on its way
a little far a little stray
but here to stay
after all the price we pay

true love is no mystery
is the simplest complexity
is the thirst of humanity
to be quenched by proximity

true love is a sham some days
it's a the claw that clams my grace
I see the bright blue sun rays
at the beach as my heart floats away dancing with waves

true love! huh, I let out a laugh;
from a humanity that's forgotten it's clause?
all my will is beat and still
as i watch the world in a languid pause.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Don't talk to me

Don't talk to me you're not my best friend
don't talk to me you're not the one I love
don't talk to me as you're simply not me

Take your opinionated hands off of me
As they are just too heavy
To allow them to rest
on my puny body

You can't hold me by your stupefying care
You can't hold me by your diabetic love
If at all you want to hold me, hold me by the noose
The real one

Share with me your dreams and visions
Your imaginations
Share with me your thoughts and tastes
Maybe even your mistakes
Share with me your innermost demons and fear
But your love, never!

And even if you do
Don't be startled if you receive
In return a deceive
As I can only return what I have
in this heart of the perished,
The fear of new beginnings,
Of the new endings, received

I will always love you

Turn at the corner,
Don't look back!
The walls rise behind you,
Of memories as the stack.
Oh and that just rhymed!
But did it make sense?
Of course! It was on purposes
Put down your macro lense.

Life they said
wasn't about finding a meaning
But about giving the meaning.
I know I broke my rhyme scheme
But what's it when compared
To broken dreams.

Day and night
Drop by drop
We collect sweet nothings
Only to drop the sweet
At every corner
And move ahead with

How many more corners?
Haven't I come a full circle yet?
I know circles don't have corners
But this is far less weird
than it often gets.

You ask me stupid questions
Are you hurt?
Disappointed may be
Did you learn?
I don't know
Have you changed?
May be by an inch.
But for once will you care
To tell me 'it will be alright'
Oh and please as you say it
Try not to flinch.

I love you
I have always loved you
Dear life!
No matter what you do

In my heart It will always be rife.